Me: Are you cleaning?
9-year-old: Yes.
Me: What have you done so far?
9: I thought about getting started.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2022
Me: Your mom and I are going to watch a movie.
11-year-old: On Netflix or Hulu?
Me: In a theater.
11: What year do you think this is?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2022
7-year-old: I can't wait until I'm a grown-up.
Me: Why?
7: So I can do whatever I want.
Me: I have terrible news.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2021
In the middle of trick or treating, my 5-year-old asked me to take a picture of her in the tall grass because "that's where Pokémon live." pic.twitter.com/txkTTRJEjJ
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2021
Every time I leave the house with my four kids for a trip, I understand more and more how the McCallisters were able to forget Kevin at home.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 23, 2021
6-year-old: I had a nightmare.
Me: What was it about?
6: I had to eat carrots.
She'll never sleep again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 7, 2021
Me: *looks at houses on the internet*
9-year-old: Are we going to move?
Me: No. I'm just looking and dreaming.
9: At least look at castles.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2021
11-year-old: I'm having trouble with my math homework.
Me: How can I help?
11: Get Mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2021
7-year-old: I need a sword! Now!
Me: Why?
7: There's a bee in the kitchen.
No further explanation needed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2021
7-year-old: Do I look taller?
Me: No.
7: *eats a fifth chicken nugget* How about now?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2021