6-year-old: Can we have a movie night tonight?
Me: Sure. What do you want to watch?
6: I don't care. I just want popcorn.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2021
Me: Next year, you can ride the school bus.
5-year-old: I don't want to.
Me: Why not?
5: It goes to school.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 11, 2021
8-year-old: Can we go to the park?
Me: It's muddy.
8: Why do you think I want to go?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2021
6-year-old: Can you play with me?
Me: I'm working.
6: But the dinosaurs are attacking.
Work can wait.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 21, 2021
6-year-old: I'm dizzy.
Me: Maybe you should stop dangling upside down from the couch.
6: *looks at me like that's the dumbest idea she's ever heard*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 19, 2021
7-year-old: Do you have a podcast?
Me: Do you even know what a podcast is?
7: It's that thing where you talk to yourself and no one listens.
She knows exactly what a podcast is.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2017
All four of my kids finished their dinners without complaining.
I don't know what they're up to, but I'm not sleeping tonight.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2020
Me: Wake up.
8-year-old: It's cold. Let me sleep.
Me: Till when?
8: Spring.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2020
Google Maps travel options:
20 minutes by car
1 hour by bus
2 hours by bike
2.5 hours by horse
3 hours carried by orcs who think you have the ring
6 minutes carried by eagles for reasons that are their own
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2018
8-year-old: Would you still love me if I'm a Slytherin?
Me: Of course.
8: You better. Or else.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2020