Me: Who do you talk with at lunch?
7-year-old: I don't know.
Me: You don't know?
7: I'm not there to talk. I'm there to eat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2021
9-year-old: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
9: Are the Ninja Turtles named after the painters, or are the painters named after the Ninja Turtles?
Me: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 5, 2021
9-year-old: Can I stay up late tonight?
Me: No, it's a school night.
9: Why does school get to ruin tonight AND tomorrow?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2021
Yesterday, my 7-year-old sat down on the bus down next a girl she didn't know.
Today, that girl gave her a friendship bracelet.
Now they'll probably be maids of honor in each other's weddings.
BFFs for life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2021
Me: Did you brush your hair?
7-year-old: Yes.
Me: It doesn't look like it.
7: I've lived a lot since then.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2021
Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book?
Me: Every night
Priest: What's their favorite part?
Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2015
9-year-old: Can I use the duct tape?
Me: For what?
9: Revenge.
I have many questions.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2021
[cooking breakfast]
Me: How do you want your eggs?
9-year-old: Out of the way so I can have a doughnut.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 3, 2021
10-year-old: A boy likes me, but we're too different.
Me: How so?
10: I'm Ravenclaw. He's Slytherin.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2021
8-year-old: Can girls be firefighters?
Me: Of course! Girls can do anything.
8: Can girls be fire starters?
Wait.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2021