these were the same people that wouldn’t wear a mask because they aren’t sheep https://t.co/vCYZellJUr

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 18, 2024

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love is Blind”

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 19, 2024

I’ve achieved this without giving $200,000 to Harvard. https://t.co/kf01fHlzY8

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 9, 2024

It’s dumb that penises are the only part of us that grow when we’re excited. Social interactions would be so much easier if we could be like, “Damn, Jeremy must love his surprise party, he’s 9 feet tall.”

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 4, 2024

GOD: Okay so you’re super smart, this is the alphabet. You can use it—

DOLPHIN: What’s that one?

GOD: That’s an e.

DOLPHIN: I’m just gonna use that one.

GOD: But you—

DOLPHIN: Eeee-eeEEEeee. Like that.

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 19, 2019

People refuse to believe you when they ask what you do for fun and you say “sit quietly at home.”
They’re like, “haha, no, if you can do anything!”
Like, yeah dude, this conversation is what’s preventing me from living my dream. As soon as we’re done, guess what I’m gonna do?

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 26, 2023

FYI this means there’s a person whose job it is to tell this dude how old they think his penis looks. pic.twitter.com/erk7pJZLOl

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 11, 2023

why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 10, 2023

Actually love that they’re doing this with other jobs. Last week my heart surgery was performed by a 17-year-old YouTuber that makes videos hitting his dad in the testicles https://t.co/KdAZx46scb

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) October 31, 2023