The best tweets of October 2015

 

Let’s start with some LOVE.

Stevie Wonder is getting a divorce. You gotta be doing a lot of shit wrong for a nigga who's never seen you, to never want to see you again.

— paul sample (@paulbensamp) October 6, 2015

Therapist: Tell me about your mother
Me: Well, when I was 6 she–
Therapist: Woah woah, fast forward a few years. What's her phone number?

— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) October 9, 2015

Romeo: O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head.

Me: I SAID, ARE WE GONNA FUCK OR WHAT?

— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) October 31, 2015

plot twist Adele’s ex is Drake and they’ve been singing about each other for years

— abdul (@Advil) October 24, 2015

 

A pinch of movies

https://twitter.com/thatsnotkosher/status/656193907722686464

I just improved #StarWars #TheForceAwakens by 10000% #JarJarBinks pic.twitter.com/tQJSJfUsYs

— Olly Gibbs (@ollyog) October 18, 2015

BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called
DARTH VADER: the death—
[inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard]
DARTH VADER: uh the health star

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 15, 2015

If this – and nothing else – was the trailer for a folk horror film, I would instantly go to a cinema & watch it. pic.twitter.com/8akg7WU0iD

— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) October 5, 2015

 

What if Princesses from Disney were DIFFERENT ?

This Is What Disney Princesses Would Look Like If They Were Articles From A Terrible Website pic.twitter.com/CItz9ZT6Xr

— ▀▀▀▀▀▀ (@immolations) October 28, 2015

Here's What It Would Look Like If Disney Princesses Were Tried For War Crimes In The Nuremberg Trials pic.twitter.com/uUs82SXKfQ

— leon (@leyawn) October 29, 2015

 

Donald Trump was very popular in October, we wonder why…

https://twitter.com/fightgoals/status/654260520770478080

We bought this pumpkin because it kind of looked like an asshole. Now it has the haircut to match. #Trumpkin pic.twitter.com/rf9amiX2Gb

— Emily Fajardo (@EmilyJFajardo) October 23, 2015

https://twitter.com/_CTierney/status/659822807937908736
 

But then again, other costumes were available.

I'd be more excited for Halloween if I hadn't already spent all the other days of the year dressing like a slut and scaring children

— Asa Akira (@AsaAkira) October 26, 2015

My moms Halloween costume💀 gtgggg pic.twitter.com/9HgF5iIOZz

— steph (@Stephanie_mileo) October 30, 2015

pic.twitter.com/g3SWjcS9X2

— Sarah Andersen (@SarahCAndersen) October 31, 2015

Dunno about you but I'm at a party with a guy who's come as a Nintendo 64 cartridge pic.twitter.com/iZpz5ODLfQ

— tsouni (@tsounicooper) October 17, 2015

https://twitter.com/RelatableQuote/status/656931719245901824
 

Twitter has a love/hate relationship with animals.

https://twitter.com/SassyAnimalPics/status/659494181052772352

*loads catapult*
e e
E o
E w
E
M

— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) October 30, 2015

I've got a really important presentation on Monday and a story to write, so I built a cardboard theatre for my cat. pic.twitter.com/uKONjDc3G8

— Samuel Pinney (@GinBroguesHats) October 17, 2015

Reporter: How do you feel about all this?
Man in windshield: I just wanted to say I'm vegan. pic.twitter.com/kclqJ3AsjG

— orange shirt guy (@awkwardphilippe) October 15, 2015

 

Fashion is getting weirder and weirder

What's going on in #ParisFashionWeek? pic.twitter.com/ZUMqBiXJ1f

— WORLDSTARHIPHOP (@WORLDSTAR) October 1, 2015

Barber: What you want bro?
Guy: You ever eat a panini?
Barber: Say no more fam pic.twitter.com/RoBJYRjlTj

— Theau (@Arnaud_Palmer) October 9, 2015

 

Oh, what you can do when you play with words !

https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/656273607384002560

Words that could be so much more exciting than they are:
1) Space bar
2) Interobang
3) Wolfgang
4) Drugstore
5) Shoplifting
6) Meantime

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 27, 2015

Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”

— Tim Morgan 🙃🌯 (@riscfuture) October 30, 2015

Story structure. pic.twitter.com/9ILH91slRl

— Graeme Ing (@GraemeIng) October 22, 2015

Oh my god. Mind blown. pic.twitter.com/N5bJ5BTghZ

— 2019 Beardy (@derdrache) October 3, 2015

 

But don’t play with food.

https://twitter.com/therealelp/status/658679546078736384

"Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?"
"you mean cheese?"
[waiter struggling to keep bowl covered]
"that does make more sense actually"

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 18, 2015

pic.twitter.com/YjYAtYgxJA

— Liam Austen (@_thewatchtrick) October 27, 2015

https://twitter.com/vasudevan_k/status/653246655668424704
 

A little bouquet final just for you.

this is the same species that split the atom and sent a probe to pluto pic.twitter.com/IgOQ3tvca9

— Luke Bailey (@imbadatlife) October 11, 2015

Me: why don't we have better gun control?
Person: Guns don't kill people, Planned Parenthood kills people
Me: Ah yes, you're the reason why

— Professional Nutritionist (@SortaBad) October 1, 2015

"Jim, we love the skeletons"
"Thanks boss"
"Just one thing…"
"Oh?"
"We need to be *really* clear they're not gay" pic.twitter.com/CRenlkglUj

— liz, sandwich researcher (@lizduckchong) October 11, 2015

I'm getting worried, my boomerang should have been back hours ago

— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) October 6, 2015

When I read people having a little tantrum on Twitter this is all I see pic.twitter.com/AJT3b86PwG

— Dom Pepin (@Dom_Pepin) October 19, 2015

√2: I wish I had never been born! *slams door*
π: Me, too, I hate you guys! *slams door*
Me: Ugh, these kids are so irrational!

— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) October 29, 2015

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"

Mom: *staring at dad

Dad: …*clenches fists

Mom: …don't!

Dad: *sweats profusely

Mom:

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD

— Guy Dangerous (@Lerky) October 24, 2015

https://twitter.com/HogwartsLogic/status/660429015879057408

Guy on right is the husband of my friend @elrottencrotch. Guy on left is a STRANGER he met on a flight last night! pic.twitter.com/kwBFOOEoMc

— Lee Beattie (@leebeattie) October 30, 2015

 

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