Being a cat must be hard because you have sharp pointy teeth and claws but can also be picked up and carried like a baby
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 15, 2024
Dog: *sneezes*
Me: Bless you, cutie pie!
Husband: *sneezes*
Me: Eww! You’re gross.— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 19, 2024
standing behind the plumber like this the whole time he’s fixing the toilet pic.twitter.com/K5JXfx7HQN
— big duntles (@biglunty) July 19, 2024
Devastating to realize that the way to finish work you don't want to do is to just sit down and do it and then it will be done.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 14, 2024
Me: Did you clean your room?
Child: Yes.
Me: Let me rephrase. Is your room clean?
Child: No.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 19, 2024
Bring back job interviews that consist of only 1 interview
— Chris H (@iam_purfection) July 18, 2024
last night genevieve learned if you stand on one end of this plastic piece of garbage and lift the other end with your paw and let it go, it will make a snapping noise every time, and the most fun time to do it is 2am. pic.twitter.com/ttMFIolJnP
— beth (@bethbourdon) July 18, 2024
They know the kids will eventually go home. 😂 https://t.co/Il32GFJ6Y2
— Heisjayy 𝕏 (@Jayysen_) July 19, 2024
Waiting at the barber shop to get my 9yo a haircut and he points to the balding guy in front of us and says "well he shouldn't take too long."
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 19, 2024
i lose all respect for a t-shirt once i’ve slept in it
— tido bling (@its_tiidoo) July 14, 2024