10-year-old: Next year I'll be 11.
Me: I guess you will.
10: Does Hogwarts do remote learning, too?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2020
6-year-old: Where are you going?
Me: To take a nap. Where are you going?
6: To stop you.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2020
10-year-old: I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.
Me: Do you really have that much free time?
10: I don't have any free time. I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2020
6-year-old: I can't go to school. Look at the weather.
Me: It's a beautiful day.
6: Exactly.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2019
9-year-old: Can we watch all the Marvel movies?
Me, pre-quarantine: We don't have time.
Me, now: Okay, but only five per day.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2020
9-year-old: Are we going anywhere today?
Me: No.
9: Because of the quarantine or because you don't like to go out?
Why not both?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2020
My 6-year-old's top 3 complaints about the Olympics:
3) It's always on TV.
2) There are too many countries.
1) There's no quidditch.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2016
5-year-old: It's Taco Tuesday!
Me: It's Monday.
5: Tacos don't know what day it is.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 3, 2020
7-year-old: How tall are you going to get?
Me: I'm done growing. This is it.
7: So now when you eat, you just get fatter?
She knows the horrible truth.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 26, 2020
5-year-old: Do sharks have birthday parties?
Me: I don't think so.
5: Maybe that's why they're so mean.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2020