[1st day of med school]

professor: you're here because you wish to help people, you have a thirst for knowledge and a love of learning, you want to make the world a better place. any questions before we begin?

me: when do we get to hit someone in the knee with the little hammer

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) December 5, 2023

the reason really rich people do all sorts of insane shit is that they have unlimited free time to think. most folks are busy working and paying bills to worry about stuff like challenging other adults to cage fights or de-aging their penis

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) November 30, 2023

famous athletes and artists should just stay in their lane and refrain from commenting on politics since they have no expertise in that area, unlike me, a guy sitting on my couch covered in potato chips

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) October 9, 2023

by virtue of what, exactly, does the so-called "burger king" claim his title? divine right? lineage? conquest? give me a break

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) September 26, 2023

superman: can i borrow 500 bucks?

batman:

superman:

batman:

superman: [sighs] can i batborrow 500 batbucks?

batman: yep

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) September 11, 2023

amazon: your order has been placed

me: great thanks

amazon: your order is being prepared

me: cool

amazon: your order is being put in the truck

me: it's ok i don't need an update on every step

amazon: the driver just buckled his seatbelt

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) May 12, 2023

isaac newton's wife: [drops a dish]

isaac newton: you know that fell because of-

isaac newton's wife: yes i fuckin know it fell because of gravity, jesus christ

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) May 1, 2022

elon musk is not a genius or a "visionary," he's just a super rich guy whose endless money allows him to try out whatever dumbass hairbrained ideas pop into his head. seriously, have any 9-year-old read 20 sci-fi novels & then give him $200 billion, he'll do the exact same stuff

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) April 26, 2022

ok yeah sex is great but have you ever experienced the half-second of blissful silence as you drive under a bridge during a thunderstorm

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) April 17, 2022

in ratatouille 2 we find out that the secret to remy's talent was a flea named jacques who lived on his head and controlled him by tugging at his individual hairs

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) March 12, 2022