“baby on board” ok well can you tell him to drive faster

— trash jones (@jzux) November 12, 2024

just saw a girl in this coffee shop open Hinge, swipe for 30 seconds, then close the app and mouth the words "kill me" to herself. she is all of us

— trash jones (@jzux) October 12, 2024

one minute you're young, the next minute you're defending your new pair of Crocs

— trash jones (@jzux) May 18, 2024

objectively awesome that goblins and ghouls exist in basically every culture. everyone around the world throughout history was like "what if there was a guy who was sooo fucking weird"

— trash jones (@jzux) May 13, 2024

so jealous of cats to be honest. imagine being a huge bitch literally all the time and the person who takes care of you is like awwwwwww

— trash jones (@jzux) May 5, 2024

“but it’s so beautiful outside!” ah but you see. it is also so beautiful inside

— trash jones (@jzux) April 27, 2024

i want a small, tasteful wedding. no family. no friends. no groom. just me eating a big cake

— trash jones (@jzux) March 24, 2024

can't believe i'm wasting my hottest years sending emails

— trash jones (@jzux) March 5, 2024