The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down to check your phone for a minute.😭

— 𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ (@muheediva01) March 29, 2026

The best thing i heard today was a pregnant women arguing with her husband and she said, "I have two Brains and you have one".

— 𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 (@AbakpaJob) March 29, 2026

4yo is asking me if he can go to jail and I said “you have to wipe your own butt in jail” and he changed his mind

— Jamie (@spacej_me) March 29, 2026

Weirded out by homes with no pets. Like where is your creature

— Soleil (@soleiljolina) March 28, 2026

Saw a thing where people where sharing embarrassing work stories and a girl said when she got her first waitress job, someone ordered champagne and she thought it was standard to shake and spray the bottle at everyone like an F1 driver as that's the only reference she had.

— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) March 28, 2026

Whats her problem dude pic.twitter.com/abyLNGNNcj

— ezra (´,,•ω•,,)♡ ACAB🔻 (@swagoloog) March 29, 2026

i had an ex boyfriend threaten to publish my nudes when we broke up, so i published them myself with his threatening messages and tagged all his friends, relatives and potential new girlfriends. i think the boy still has whiplash from that plot twist.

— Jett 🜲 (@iky_fwjett) March 28, 2026

my wife waiting for me to open up a video she sent me while we're in the same room pic.twitter.com/ZAXEOV9LGg

— Trophy Husband 🏆 (@Brian_onX) March 28, 2026

face ID has recognized me in moments i wouldn’t have recognized myself

— The Frustrating Individual (@MILFmassacre) March 28, 2026

When someone says, “It was 20 years ago.” I think, “Ah yes, the 90s!” But then they tell me it was 2006 and I have to sit down for a bit.

— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) March 28, 2026