one time i couldn’t reach a book on the top shelf at the bookstore and i was too shy to talk to an employee so i put in an online order and came back an hour later to pick it up :/
— addie (@idyllicdreamss) September 12, 2026
Don’t invite me nowhere with chairs that don’t have a back to it.
— 𝙶𝚊𝚠𝚞𝚔𝚊 𝚔𝚊𝙼𝚐𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚍𝚕𝚊 (@Somlimokazi) September 11, 2026
my favorite 9/11 story is the guy who worked in the WTC but was cheating on his wife so spent the day with his mistress, and when his wife called him being like "omg are you okay?" he was like "oh im fine im just at the office" and that's how she found out
— merton ♨️ (@mertonesque) September 11, 2026
If you ever feel bad about yourself I want you to know that I just fist bumped a cashier who was trying to give me change
— Meg (they/them) (@meganroseruiz) September 12, 2026
I have 3 elderly neighbors who live alone. I found it odd they have their garage doors open every morning. Turns out it's to let each other know they're not dead.
— Michigan Matt (@MichiganMattCPA) September 13, 2026
sometimes I wish my cat had a phone so l could send her tiktoks and be like
— kiesha (@kiesha9i) September 9, 2026
"you lol"
the blood in your boner has been in your heart and thats really beautiful
— may 🐈⬛💤 (@meowermay) September 10, 2026
her baby is gonna set the guinness world record for the fastest any baby has ever said their mother’s name https://t.co/FcS8m61dsM
— peanut buttercup (@perfectcelebrty) September 12, 2026
Gaga's baby at 3am wanting milk: pic.twitter.com/narJLCIxHl
— Azarath (@gardenpanty) September 12, 2026
I've seen so many 'my dad was supposed to be on flight 11 but he got a flat tire on the way to the airport' type stories that it's amazing there was anyone on the fucking plane at all
— pornography jr (@psionic_warrior) September 11, 2026
