i’m at that age where if you text me at 9:30pm, i’m hitting you back at 6:14am …
— 𖤐 (@vapefuls) December 27, 2025
I cut the roof of my mouth on a tortilla chip and now I fear I’ll never be happy again
— Alison Burke (@TiredActor) December 27, 2025
I always give my name as Steve when ordering coffee because Stephan is too hard to spell. Today this happened: pic.twitter.com/TwpkjPryIj
— Stephan Pastis (@stephanpastis) December 28, 2025
Last night a guy asked for my insta and I typed it in his phone, but my account didn’t come up ☠️ looked in his block list and boom there I was
— prada trash bag (@anonymishhh) December 27, 2025
How lazy are you? pic.twitter.com/wevLwZxPcQ
— NO CONTEXT HUMANS (@HumansNoContext) December 27, 2025
men can't be friends with women without catching feelings,
— Maryam (@hell_line0) December 27, 2025
but somehow they can be in a whole relationship with women without catching feelings.
yall im fucking crying 😂😂😂 I’m walking my sister’s dog outside and this man approaches me and ask for my number and I decline. A few seconds later, he drives past me in a lamborghini and tried to talk to me again. Nigga this is not a skit!! Still no!!!!!!
— justina (@justtjustinaa) December 27, 2025
There’s nothing like a good game of Monopoly to bring the family together… pic.twitter.com/ksOJ7Nvl6A
— John Donoghue (@JohnDonoghue64) December 27, 2025
shower is one of the few places in modern society where you are mostly inaccessible to other people https://t.co/RtitXSBTFA
— machine gun kelly reichardt (@LingoUnbound) December 27, 2025
My grandmother lived to be 105y/o. When I asked her what her secret was, she deadass was like “God’s punishing me”😭😭.
— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) December 28, 2025
