I call my husband when I’m mad at him and I ask to speak to my best friend and he switches into "bestie mode" and sides with everything I say. He will say things like “girl you deserve better,” and then we laugh a lot and then we work it out.
— kelly (@kellytheboss7) April 18, 2026
Any time I open a can I get harassed by the council until I prove it isn’t tuna pic.twitter.com/9uGFLm5ws2
— The Fruit Basket Cats (@FruitBasketCats) April 19, 2026
my haircut before and after looks like a guy who got shot at a Portland protest and the cop who shot him pic.twitter.com/CLG5yQIGIx
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) April 18, 2026
My dad cheated on my mother with a lady with one leg shorter than the other one. My mother walked around the house limping, she said maybe that's what he wanted.
— Success.ofsnaps (@ThatSuccess_) April 21, 2026
The first woman to give birth to twins was probably like "???????????"
— Lyn🦋 (@_ayandamay) April 21, 2026
staring at the birds with my cat so he knows i care about his interests
— hunter (@3gpmh) April 18, 2026
having an unemployed friend to text during work is essential, they’re the window of your prison cell
— Neet (@neet_sol) April 21, 2026
me suspecting every character in a murder mystery book and then saying "I knew it" once the murderer is revealed.
— 📖🎧 (@inkandseerah) April 20, 2026
Making men wear condoms not for any safety reason just so that they enjoy it less
— Juggalo Jesus (@da_porgy) April 19, 2026
NO MATTER HOW MATURE YOU ARE, MEOWING BACK AT CATS IS PERMANENT.
— ً (@omgsidewalks) April 18, 2026
