you’ll be at the lowest point of ya life and someone gon say “go to the gym” brother fuck you and the gym
— lalo (@haywanklb) April 24, 2026
searching frantically for my phone in the dark at 4:30am. calling it didn't yield any noise. eventually I realized I must leave for my flight without it, and picked up my cat to say goodbye. the phone was under the cat and he's fat enough to muffle the sound
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) April 24, 2026
If you think you’ve had a bad day, my 9 year old came home from school with a trumpet.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 23, 2026
my husband better cry at our wedding or his side of the family is not eating
— miia (@miiagarro) April 24, 2026
My coworker and I were talking about capitalism, and he said, “The Earth is a resort for like 500 rich people, and the rest of us are just the staff.” Now I can’t unsee it.
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) April 24, 2026
bro why is my cat trying to gaslight me into thinking he hasn't eaten
— dior ✞ (@deeore5) April 25, 2026
Your salary is just your company's monthly subscription of you
— 💫𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸💫🪐 (@Demo4fhs) April 26, 2026
does my dog think my foot is like an extra hand when im petting him with it or does he think its like insanely disrespectful
— feefee (@fawnpilled__) April 25, 2026
the AUDACITY of my body to be tired after i gave it 8 hours of sleep. like bro i gave you everything.
— femiiiiii. (@femiiiszn) April 25, 2026
my secret talent is having several internal monologues that all disagree with each other
— 𝔙𝔞𝔪𝔭 (@bIoodFr4ak) April 23, 2026
