my secret talent is having several internal monologues that all disagree with each other
— 𝔙𝔞𝔪𝔭 (@bIoodFr4ak) April 23, 2026
Having to poop right after showering is disappointing in and of itself but the betrayal by your body knowing the whole time and saying nothing is what really hurts.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) April 25, 2026
explosion at the health potion factory, 0 dead, 0 injured
— rune sword (@runesword1) April 24, 2026
are you fucking kidding me pic.twitter.com/qyTli6599Z
— i like food (@messedupfoods) April 24, 2026
My parents have this little knot hole in their kitchen counter, and my three-year-old uses it to hold important things. 🥹
— Mrs. Gore (@MrsGoresDiary) April 25, 2026
Kills us! pic.twitter.com/ScmsRud1hu
My 77-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) April 25, 2026
After some awkward questions, I said, "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."
you’ll be at the lowest point of ya life and someone gon say “go to the gym” brother fuck you and the gym
— lalo (@haywanklb) April 24, 2026
confession: after being vegan for two years i am just now learning that pesto has parmesan in it
— just matt (@questionableway) April 25, 2026
"YoU aReN't AlWaYs GoNnA hAvE a CaLcUlAtOr In YoUr PoCkEt"
— Jum (@JesterJum) April 27, 2026
-Lying ass 90s teachers
Smelling weed outside is like hearing your name… I gotta locate the source 😭
— 𝐈𝐯𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧✰ (@stit57881) April 24, 2026
