7yo niece, on my phone: is this your boyfriend
— Hadas Weiss (@weiss_hadas) August 5, 2026
me: no, just a friend
niece: do you wanna marry him
me: no
niece: then you don't need him here *deletes photo*
unfortunately, i don't have to be drunk to send insane text messages.
— femiiiiii. (@femiiiszn) August 5, 2026
got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so i applied again. i decide when we're done. pic.twitter.com/Fbne9AOmBE
— ☔ (@Whotfismick) August 5, 2026
why do teenage boys always hang out in such huge groups? like why are there 7 of u ur not a kpop group😭
— chay (@cinemaeri) August 4, 2026
Me after spending all my money because I had a bad day pic.twitter.com/UKHCpzDVMV
— Jovy (@chimajovita) August 5, 2026
I’ve reached the age where I only get one main event a day. Doctor’s appointment? Hair appointment? One stressful work call? That’s it. Everything else gets pushed to tomorrow.
— Amelia (@amelia_tweetz) August 2, 2026
Mythical creatures make a lot more sense when you realise humanity spent hundreds of thousands of years without glasses or any form of eyesight aid.
— 🎮 (@foreeeeeal) August 1, 2026
I just smoked 20 blunts, not because I enjoyed it, but to get the marijuana off the streets , to protect our children and our families
— 𝙳𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚜༒ (@1Up_Dreams) August 3, 2026
I am going to reduce my drug use by moving to Drug City with my close personal friend Mr. Drugs https://t.co/uP27nNwHIL
— Y'alldabaoth (@FadedAfRuatha) August 2, 2026
Them: what are your hobbies?
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 1, 2026
Me: I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.
