unfortunately, i don't have to be drunk to send insane text messages.
— femiiiiii. (@femiiiszn) August 5, 2026
Didn’t see my boyfriend for like a week and when we sat down to eat at this restaurant he pulls out a bit of paper and said “ I had so much tea to spill that I didn’t want to forget any details” lmaooooo
— 🎮 (@foreeeeeal) August 1, 2026
why do teenage boys always hang out in such huge groups? like why are there 7 of u ur not a kpop group😭
— chay (@cinemaeri) August 4, 2026
Restaurants are full of male chefs but at home it's a woman's job.
— My heart (@MyHeartcode) August 2, 2026
When it's unpaid, it's for women.
When its profitable, it suddenly becomes a man's "passion".
I’ve reached the age where I only get one main event a day. Doctor’s appointment? Hair appointment? One stressful work call? That’s it. Everything else gets pushed to tomorrow.
— Amelia (@amelia_tweetz) August 2, 2026
telling your parent that a video is Al feels like telling a child santa doesn't exist
— 𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 (@AbakpaJob) August 1, 2026
When the doctor says “it's just a chest infection” but then Batman walks in with a PS5 pic.twitter.com/hEdfNHmHIk
— autist (@litteralyme0) August 1, 2026
I am going to reduce my drug use by moving to Drug City with my close personal friend Mr. Drugs https://t.co/uP27nNwHIL
— Y'alldabaoth (@FadedAfRuatha) August 2, 2026
some dad with his children AT A BAR just told me and my friends to watch our language. AT. A. BAR. maybe don’t…. being ur kids…. to a bar????? idk
— k!✰ (@L0NELY777LUCK) August 5, 2026
Them: what are your hobbies?
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 1, 2026
Me: I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.
