Them: what are your hobbies?
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 1, 2026
Me: I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.
I’ve reached the age where I only get one main event a day. Doctor’s appointment? Hair appointment? One stressful work call? That’s it. Everything else gets pushed to tomorrow.
— Amelia (@amelia_tweetz) August 2, 2026
Couple next to me on a 9 hour flight kept giggling, laughing, talking, playing card games just having a great time overall and then 15 minutes before landing had a massive fight over geography 😭🧍🏽♀️
— m (@TwaddaPiyo) August 1, 2026
This Airbnb host left me a glowing review, then added that I “come home too late.”
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) August 2, 2026
Excuse me? I didn’t realise I booked a room with a curfew instead of an Airbnb. Am I renting a place to sleep or moving back in with my parents? The audacity.
You relax for 30 minutes after work and next thing you know it’s already 10pm
— ً (@omgsidewalks) August 4, 2026
officially retired at 24! i don’t have money or anything i’m just not going back
— Neet (@neet_sol) August 5, 2026
The woman in front of me on the plane has just started a movie 11 mins before landing
— LS 🍊 (@leahsmithh7) July 2, 2026
“Women don’t care about men’s mental health.”
— Dua (@Duakz5q) August 2, 2026
Men used to take parts of women’s brains out of their heads for daring to have an opinion.
I just smoked 20 blunts, not because I enjoyed it, but to get the marijuana off the streets , to protect our children and our families
— 𝙳𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚜༒ (@1Up_Dreams) August 3, 2026
At a family dinner, my uncle started complaining that menstrual products were a waste of wood because pads contain cellulose, which comes from trees. He kept insisting women in the old days survived without them anyway. My little sister looked at him and said, “Actually, your… pic.twitter.com/vGHkUu4hfY
— 💗 (@ma1ybe) August 2, 2026
