ain’t nothing more awkward than someone showing you a video and it's not funny😭
— Softboy (@softboywin) April 26, 2026
If a monkey hoarded more bananas than it could eat, while most of the other monkeys starved, scientists would study that monkey to figure out what was wrong with it.
— Books Behind Borders (@MHTruthUltra) May 3, 2026
When humans do it, we put them on the cover of Forbes.
My grandmother always used to say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
— Adam Sharp (@AdamCSharp) April 28, 2026
Brilliant woman, terrible surgeon.
I once shared a cab with a stranger who kept checking the time nervously.
— katyakay (@katyakayy) April 25, 2026
Right before I got off, he said, “If anyone asks, you never saw me.”
Two hours later, his face was on the news.
I'm begging the internet to stop showing me 5 to 9 morning routines where someone drinks structured water, journals for an hour, and does ice plunges before sunrise. My morning routine is hitting snooze until the fear of homelessness physically drags me out of bed.
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) May 3, 2026
Accidentally ate soap at this wedding thinking it was a cookie pic.twitter.com/zMjbaqiDCC
— Anto (@plantonio_) May 2, 2026
A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off, if you rob a bank , you're out in 10 years. Follow me for more financial advice.
— karmakhiz (@karmakhiz01) April 26, 2026
Please pray for my husband, he got stung by a bee in the forehead. He’s in the hospital now, his face all swollen and bruised.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) May 3, 2026
He almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
My shoulders are too bony for someone to rest their head on. They're like anti-homeless architecture
— Mark (@AgingRanchHand) May 1, 2026
Curse the person who put the back pain Relief on the bottom shelf: pic.twitter.com/g8Heji6xRY
— Happy Captain (@EODHappyCaptain) May 6, 2026
