If abortion is illegal because "life begins at conception," then child support should start at conception too, right? Weird how that never comes up
— Maryam (@hell_line0) May 3, 2026
I am a friend to all cats, even the little mean ones. They have their reasons
— masha (@masha_slp) May 3, 2026
Bowling is funny because I do it once every 2 years while I’m shitfaced and I still roll a few strikes. I shouldn’t be able to do the best move in your sport accidentally.
— 𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 (@MoMohler) May 2, 2026
being around ur parents is like damn i’m emotionally traumatized but i’m eating so good rn
— COCO (@TWOTIMESABITCH) May 1, 2026
Can’t believe when I was a teenager I actually paid for ringtones, I’d set fire to my phone if it made a noise now
— Cara Lisette (@CaraLisette) May 6, 2026
I once shared a cab with a stranger who kept checking the time nervously.
— katyakay (@katyakayy) April 25, 2026
Right before I got off, he said, “If anyone asks, you never saw me.”
Two hours later, his face was on the news.
My shoulders are too bony for someone to rest their head on. They're like anti-homeless architecture
— Mark (@AgingRanchHand) May 1, 2026
Toxic came on at the club last night and a 24 year old said they never heard that song before pic.twitter.com/SC2tiI8uae
— Asscela Express 🚅 (@biz_socks) May 2, 2026
Accidentally ate soap at this wedding thinking it was a cookie pic.twitter.com/zMjbaqiDCC
— Anto (@plantonio_) May 2, 2026
big fan of how they described the measurements here https://t.co/CFwBx1A0L3
— Touya! ★ (@Touyarokii) May 7, 2026
