i'm gonna get one of these and get my boyfriend one of these so we can pretend i'm in prison when we facetime https://t.co/JacKTQj7wm
— roxy demento (@falseroxy) January 17, 2026
Its been 4 years since my job interview. I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else. 😂
— David (@latte147) January 15, 2026
It’s 3:30pm. Wife and I just ate dinner.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) January 17, 2026
If we get any older, we’ll have to start eating our meals yesterday.
Guy at work farted in the office so bad that we all cleared out and when we had a meeting about how people need to go outside to fart from here on, absolutely nobody laughed or even smiled. It was a fart so bad it made the entire concept of farts unfunny for all of us
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) January 20, 2026
Staying with a friend who is bald.
— Jeff Watters (@jeffreywatters) January 17, 2026
A detail that became salient this morning when I hopped in the shower and realized there was no shampoo.
overheard my wife tell our cat to “go find something to do”
— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) January 16, 2026
Called my mom for advice and now we’re just arguing this is insane
— Hustlanani (@hustlanani) January 17, 2026
Dear people who can fall asleep easily, I hate you a little bit.
— Kristen (@Kica333) January 16, 2026
on my way to a meetup i initiated when i was in an extraverted mood pic.twitter.com/meMaIf2TOI
— Hadas Weiss (@weiss_hadas) January 15, 2026
My husband texted me to tell me it's all over between us.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) January 18, 2026
Imagine my relief when he sent me a further text, when he explained that he had sent that message to the wrong person!
