This morning my daughter said her ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so she walks out the front door, comes back in and says both.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) January 28, 2026
Moments like this has me wondering if I’m saving too much for college.
the fact that I still like men is proof that sexuality is not a choice
— saturn ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡ (@gngsbae) January 23, 2026
Sorry I can’t come my clothes look stupid on me
— Hustlanani (@hustlanani) January 23, 2026
made a pizza and sliced it like a psychopath because i remembered i have free will and can do whatever i want pic.twitter.com/MKVKnQdyE0
— Nes 🎨 (@feydemon) January 26, 2026
You should be allowed to smoke in the cinema if the movie is set in the 1970s
— ᴅᴏᴏᴍᴇɴɪᴄ (@dinosaur_info) January 24, 2026
I overhear a man talking about women being difficult on their periods and I'm about to tell him the main hormone running through our bodies during menstruation is testosterone
— 🦢 (@damnidc__) January 24, 2026
my daughter asked how long she had to wait until she could stop listening to me. I told her she had to listen to me for the rest of her life. she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." 💀😭
— 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 (@Arealmfngl) January 25, 2026
My teenage nephew told me he asked a girl out and she turned him down. I said, "You know what to do now, right?" He said, "I know I know keep trying" and I said "NO. LEAVE HER ALONE. She gave you an answer." He was shocked. NO ONE had told him that before. TEACH. YOUR. BOYS.
— goma (@soigomaa) January 23, 2026
My sister divorced her husband last year. She was 7 months pregnant, on bed rest for high blood pressure, still trying to keep the house together. One night she asked him to bring her a glass of water from the kitchen (literally 10 steps away). He brought himself a beer, drank it…
— 🦢 (@damnidc__) January 23, 2026
this girl from my school got married and she hasnt posted a single picture of the guy she married. shes on her honeymoon now and still its just her pictures. what an icon
— ☆ (@samacoree) January 23, 2026
