sleeping for 12+ hours makes me realise how much i would enjoy being dead
— JΛCΞ (@jaceels2) August 22, 2026
Where can I find those families that say, "Take this $2m and stay away from our son " ?😔
— Lisa (@lisathebeauty1) August 24, 2026
I will say "bless you" for up to three sneezes in a ten-minute period. Any sneezes beyond that will go unblessed and you can go to hell
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) August 21, 2026
my sister facetimed me four times in a row and when I finally picked up I said “somebody better have died” and she just stared at me like this https://t.co/QHZj8m7F25pic.twitter.com/9fwpl7jGBc
— frankie steins gay uncle (@ewkewpid) August 25, 2026
“less salary with good sleep is better than a huge salary with bad sleep”
— Miilato (@miiilato) August 24, 2026
me with less salary and bad sleep: pic.twitter.com/C3ss3wyZ4g
My 1yo loves to pause her cry and say “I’m crying” when no one is paying her any mind lmao
— Aunty Mariah (@ariibay) August 22, 2026
a little life tip I just invented is to wash your hands properly in between cooking with chilli and removing contact lenses
— Mike Healy (@mike_hasarms) August 22, 2026
i hate when my stomach is growling like bro u have 20kg of fat to snack on
— bnuuy (@myuleeee) August 23, 2026
Pushed my Saturday chores to Sunday, and now Sunday has arrived. pic.twitter.com/EwPc1OxaSi
— 𝓝. 𖤐🧸 (@luvblessingz) August 24, 2026
will never forget when i crashed out over a guy and my therapist saw his picture she went confused & cringed and said "this is the guy….?" #humbled
— gabrielle (@manicmegatron) August 22, 2026
