I'm not throwing away that nearly empty bottle of shampoo until I've balanced it upside down for at least a week.
— 💂🏻♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ (@BigBearF1) October 8, 2026
One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a lunch break
— Pan (@pangrey123) October 14, 2026
If dick size was as obvious as boob size, there would be a hell of a lot less men talking shit.
— selfpaglu. (@maramarvellous_) October 14, 2026
He's not wrong. 🤷♀️ https://t.co/QEkOMSDrhN
— Emma Scott (@EmmaScott) October 10, 2026
bosses have been extra extra extra nice to me recently which means I've either been doing an KILLER job behind the bar or they've caught me crying on the cameras after everyone leaves for the night
— pepper (@AGPepperr) October 13, 2026
" what time do you get off work"
— Pan (@pangrey123) October 13, 2026
Me: officially 5pm..
Emotionally around 2pm, but on Friday's 10am.
you kids may not believe this, but things were so stable 15 years ago that the news had to start reporting on people seeing Jesus in their toast
— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) October 9, 2026
remember to always give god your pubic hair before bedtime. pic.twitter.com/EGnp80wSJ4
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) October 12, 2026
A woman can be drunk and half-naked, and if there's no rapist in the room, she won't be raped. Alcohol and clothing don't cause rape…. rapists do.
— 🌷. (@softly3against) October 9, 2026
pediatric hospitals are funny because of the wide range that 0-17 is.
— дса православная какус 🍞 🍷🌹 (@dsaorthocaucus) October 8, 2026
sorry, i know you're in a gang and you go hard and you got shot but you're 16 so you're going in the Winnie the Pooh room.
