sorry i looked at your instagram story 11 seconds after you posted it but you have to understand i haven’t put my phone down in 6 years
— francis (@gorgeousbrains) January 4, 2025
I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.
— Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey (@MonkeysMarch) January 3, 2025
I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse
— Katie (@ALadyNamedKatie) January 5, 2025
I was told that I look like the kind of person that loves playing tetris and I just don’t know how to take that
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 3, 2025
Introduces myself to your pets as their new step daddy
— Suugah Boogah (@N_Doemostmuted) January 3, 2025
My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) January 4, 2025
no one:
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) January 5, 2025
my mom in a museum: pic.twitter.com/mwxlc5fESF
“You’re up early”
— 𝓓𝓻𝓮 (@ashgetbandzzz) January 4, 2025
Bold of you to assume I’ve slept
Boy, are you a piñata because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick
— Molly (@mistrustme1) January 3, 2025
unfortunately i don’t need to be drunk in order to send insane text messages
— audrey (@lolallalskd) January 4, 2025
