I don't want to alarm anyone, but according to my toddler, there is a burglar who broke in, not to steal anything, but to pee in his bed. It definitely wasn't him. Be safe out there everyone.

— Sassy H✡︎bbit 🦋 (@sassyhobbit) February 1, 2026

Le 6 ans a demandé à ce que son croque-monsieur soit coupé en rectangle, mon mari a zappé et l'a coupé en triangle.

Le mari : "Mon chéri je suis désolée j'ai coupé ton croque-monsieur en triangle."
Le 6 ans : "😮‍💨 J'en peux plus…"

??!?!!!??

— nini (@BaconMum) January 30, 2026

This little girl i'm babysitting just asked me if i have a boyfriend and i said not anymore and she said “boyfriends are a waste of time” and then she turns to her brother and tells him “you're gonna be a waste of time”.

— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) February 2, 2026

Asked my 5yo what she wanted for dinner and she said “not a burned quesadilla” because in the summer of 2023 i overcooked one side of her quesadilla.

— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) February 5, 2026

Me: I had my first big crush on a girl when I was your age.

My 11yo: wow do you think she's still alive?

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 3, 2026

Avoir un enfant de 3 ans en pleine période du "pourquoi" nous fait réaliser à quel point on ne sait rien 😶 pic.twitter.com/nZZNdob66W

— Cece 🐾❄️ (@Choubichon) February 3, 2026

Mon enfant dit pas grand chose mais quand tu lui donnes un biscuit t’inquiète pas que là il dit « deux ! » 😂

— Susu 🪷 (@lifewithsuzi) January 30, 2026

J'étais outrée d'entendre mon fils dire 'putain' et je me demandais où il avait pu apprendre ça.
Puis je me suis entendue ce matin dans la voiture :
"MAIS VAS-Y ROULE AU MILIEU PUTAIN" pic.twitter.com/FZ4bUyavAh

— Echo Jinx (@EchoJinx) January 30, 2026

I was 8 and my brother was 12 and we were eating dinner with our parents. They announced to us that mom is pregnant and we would have a new brother or sister sometime this summer. After 5 seconds of silence, my brother said I don’t understand why nobody consulted me about this.

— Miles Commodore (@miles_commodore) February 1, 2026

My toddler: Are you old yet?
Me: I don’t think I’m old, I’m only 28.
Toddler: So you’re old.

rude as fuck at 7 am

— orca milf (@loremachina) February 5, 2026