boyfriend just repeated several times in his sleep really fast “he is a tall elf, he has elven influence. talk to him.” followed by a slew of fast nonsense syllables that somehow sounded cohesive like a real language. happy valentines day
— hil (@plume__) February 14, 2026
Today at work this girl came up to order and she was like “make me your favorite drink on the menu, don’t even tell me what it is just give it to me” 😭 very interesting request and when I tried to ask even size or milk type she just held up her finger to shush me skdjfjn
— anjiii:-P 💋🎀 (@sehnisweet) February 13, 2026
My niece asked me to unlock my phone so she could watch cartoon on my phone, I didn't answer her, next thing she took my phone out of the room and I was looking for her. Just guess where I found this babe? In front of our family portrait, trying to unlock my phone with my…
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 12, 2026
When you're home alone with the triplets and your wife asks you for an update. pic.twitter.com/gXsG52PTPa
— Restoring Your Faith in Humanity (@HumanityChad) February 13, 2026
he doesn't know he's getting his balls chopped off in 6 hours pic.twitter.com/n3bW07SqJ6
— nic (@dietxcokewhore) February 15, 2026
My son was listening to some deep-cut 90's rap and I walked into his room and started singing along and when I tell you how badly it ruined his day that his old white mom was hip to his new obscure musical discovery . . . the annoyance was spiritual.
— Kristen Howerton (@kristenhowerton) February 13, 2026
fiance blew me a kiss across the gym, random buff 50 year old man thought it was directed toward him. he solemnly blew him a kiss back.
— emily may (@emilykmay) February 13, 2026
told my therapist a joke. she sighed & started taking notes…she tryna steal my joke
— dior ✞ (@deeore5) February 13, 2026
the tapas restaurant was giving out a rose to each couple but offered us (lesbians) both a rose, which begs the question – if straight couples get one rose (for one woman) and lesbians get two roses (for two women), how many roses does a gay male couple get? pic.twitter.com/bbluq6C7Ri
— sissy sub richard nixon (@nixmao) February 14, 2026
Today, I saw 2 teenagers kissing in the park
— 𝐊𝐨𝐡𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭!𝟎𝐧_👑🚩 (@bholination) February 14, 2026
It reminded me of my teenage days, when I used to see other teenagers kissing in the park
