Tried to finish my work quickly to impress my boss and he just gave me even more work to do pic.twitter.com/McSTZqhLiR
— Igloo🧊 (@Josa837093208) September 19, 2026
I collect very old children’s books and tonight I read a story to my son where one teddy bear told another teddy bear to put out a cigarette
— Jane Dashley (@JaneDashley) September 19, 2026
My roommate took a photo of me while drawing to show me how bad my posture is and holy shit pic.twitter.com/QbE8pWa2bP
— rex ˚ ༘ ೀ🏈 (@ieatcrabmeat) September 19, 2026
every time i get a physical exam they’re like “your resting heart rate is extremely fast are you feeling ok” and i have to be like “yeah i’m just scared all the time i’m really scared right now in fact”
— jorjor wel (@tinygreenbug) September 19, 2026
i accidentally pushed on a pull door and the f*cking genius behind me said “u gotta pull it” as if my next option was gonna be to start sucking on the door handle pic.twitter.com/fV7p1VHbmN
— navy™️ (@navyytrademark) September 15, 2026
Me explaining to my wife that I, too, helped make the baby pic.twitter.com/u0yygtnoyV
— Elijah the Middleborne (@TheMiddleborne) September 20, 2026
actors kiss each other for like 5 seasons and don't fall in love, but when someone holds the door for me, i think about it for 7 months.
— femiiiiii. (@femiiiszn) September 15, 2026
Was supposed to get a blood test done today to see why I'm so tired all the time but overslept and missed the appointment pic.twitter.com/UOYlgxujk4
— Basil 🌱 (@Basil_Mage) September 15, 2026
when i text my dad he spams flower emojis and i don‘t have the heart to tell him one of them is just lettuce pic.twitter.com/tMenxkj1GY
— ⟢ (@milkfrenchfries) September 15, 2026
Regardless of your sex organs we should all sit down to pee. Too many penis havers are out here spraying piss all over public bathrooms.
— Jonas ‧₊ ♪˚⊹ Kurt Cobain's Lawyer (@kurtcobainyaoi) September 19, 2026
