2yo asked what "embarrassed" meant, i told him something like "when you do something silly and you dont want anyone to look at you"

now he keeps randomly coming up to me and getting right in my face 👁️👁️ with a sneaky little smile, "mommy are you embarrassed???"

— lia (@tallsnail) February 21, 2026

I have lived next to the same guy for 3 years. Thought his name was Steve. I call him Steve. His name is Steve in my phone. l've been to his apartment.
We've had dinner.
His name is Brian. His dog is Steve.

— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 21, 2026

man who ghosted me on tinder is my waiter at this restaurant and we're just looking at each other like this pic.twitter.com/eAhMmo7xgA

— sammy (@loserbent) February 20, 2026

Hygienist: *stabs the shit out of your mouth with pointy metal*

Also Hygienist: Looks like you've got a little bleeding here

— Matty (@bestestname) February 20, 2026

OMG yesterday when I was getting my wisdom teeth removed, I started to feel the effects of the anesthesia and I said “does anyone need anything while I’m out?” before falling asleep and NOT A SINGLE DOCTOR LAUGHED OR ACKNOWLEDGED MY JOKE I’m unappreciated in my time smh /lh

— Kusi🪿🏴‍☠️#1 Oliver Teach Fan (@KusiGoose) February 14, 2026

When I was 8, I walked into my parents doing the dirty and I thought they were wrestling so I jumped in the bed with them and punched my dad in his balls

— Dave (@tufdave) February 20, 2026

A Placebo cover band also called Placebo

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) February 20, 2026

abbreviation is such a long word for what it means

— Khera (@Kheramahira21) February 14, 2026

the little boy i babysit just told me it should be easy for me to get a boyfriend because i can throw a fruit snack in the air and catch it in my mouth…..i wish it was that easy austin, i really do lol.

— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 20, 2026

My grandma recently installed WhatsApp and thought that groups were meant for sorting contacts.

Long story short: She created a group called 'Unimportant' with about 15 relatives and acquaintances.

— Raksha (@caraksha103) February 18, 2026