Paul Rudd seems like the kinda guy who would sit down to watch a movie and be like “oh yeah I forgot I was in this one too”
— joji (@jojipaints) April 12, 2026
I sent my husband to the store, and he texted that they didn’t have what I sent him there for. I didn’t believe him, so he flipped his phone and had the cashier tell me they didn’t have it. Impressive move.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 10, 2026
i accidentally stepped on my cat’s paw while he was intentionally putting himself in my path…i feel like a war criminal
— sarah (@slothanova) April 11, 2026
My coworker said I dress like I caught a lizard and I'm waiting for a chance to show it to everyone pic.twitter.com/XU8zNnTm44
— Jon Bird (@2002tacomasr5) April 9, 2026
I just explained to my 4-year-old that we are going to his Great Grandmothers funeral tomorrow and she must sit very quietly while people talk and tell stories about her.
— ꧁✿Nessa✿꧂ (@Softnessa_) April 10, 2026
She said “Good. We can find out who murdered her.”
MY FATHER WAS JUST PASSING BY A GRAVEYARD ON HIS DAILY WALK AND WAS BORED SO HE WANTED ME TO KEEP HIM COMPANY… what a legend, i love my dad 2/2
— sayang | katya (@sayangdota) April 12, 2026
MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME TO GUESS HOW MANY TABS HE HAS OPEN AND WHEN I GUESSED WRONG HE SENT ME THIS. 11,713 TABS??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? pic.twitter.com/uml832IZlm
— 🚪 RITA .ᐟ ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ♡ ₊˚⋆ (@ANGELICFANGZ) April 15, 2026
a customer told me they dont know how i survive work with this music and it's my playlist pic.twitter.com/mbjJZXL5Vg
— jasmin🫀 (@jasbarre) April 10, 2026
babe what’s wrong? you’ve barely touched your Terminator 2 Judgement Day silver promotional peanutbutter pic.twitter.com/uy4aaxO72i
— horse dentist (@equine__dentist) April 10, 2026
why are threesomes only for sex why cant i join in a couples argument if i want to
— caleb 🏹 (@saintplush) April 10, 2026
