Aux urgences, 👨⚕️ : êtes-vous sexuellement active?
— tata em (@lesbiemmmm) April 12, 2026
Moi [énorme lesbienne] : oui
👨⚕️ est-ce qu’il y a une possibilité que vous soyez enceinte ?
Moi : non
👨⚕️ : hmm, le risque 0 n’existe pas… et vu vos symptômes… faisons une prise de sang
Prise de sang : [pas enceinte]
Moi : https://t.co/ADwybAdObn
a customer told me they dont know how i survive work with this music and it's my playlist pic.twitter.com/mbjJZXL5Vg
— jasmin🫀 (@jasbarre) April 10, 2026
I sent my husband to the store, and he texted that they didn’t have what I sent him there for. I didn’t believe him, so he flipped his phone and had the cashier tell me they didn’t have it. Impressive move.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 10, 2026
Went to lie down for 20 minutes, woke up 3 HOURS LATER. Said “why didn’t you wake me?!” He said he sent 3yo in with a xylophone and I slept through it so I must have needed it
— Lady Nimby (@LadyNimby) April 11, 2026
MY FATHER WAS JUST PASSING BY A GRAVEYARD ON HIS DAILY WALK AND WAS BORED SO HE WANTED ME TO KEEP HIM COMPANY… what a legend, i love my dad 2/2
— sayang | katya (@sayangdota) April 12, 2026
tommy shelby’s diet https://t.co/JqoOoKgQA1
— ℳ (@peakiblynders) April 9, 2026
How your dad looks at you when you tell him you don't know his Gmail password pic.twitter.com/iYZes5iciN
— Champ✨ (@Ib_ra_himm) April 15, 2026
In Game of Thrones Season 8, Daenerys' last words are "we break the wheel together" which spelled backwards says "rehtegot leehw eht kaerb ew" which doesn't make sense just like the rest of season 8. pic.twitter.com/aRy1LUh2aZ
— ☥𝑩𝑳𝑽𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑶𝑳𝑫† (@0laribiwa) April 9, 2026
MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME TO GUESS HOW MANY TABS HE HAS OPEN AND WHEN I GUESSED WRONG HE SENT ME THIS. 11,713 TABS??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? pic.twitter.com/uml832IZlm
— 🚪 RITA .ᐟ ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ♡ ₊˚⋆ (@ANGELICFANGZ) April 15, 2026
My coworker said I dress like I caught a lizard and I'm waiting for a chance to show it to everyone pic.twitter.com/XU8zNnTm44
— Jon Bird (@2002tacomasr5) April 9, 2026
