one of my favorite things about being alive is that sometimes i’ll meet a cat
— ❀ (@deallium) April 10, 2026
a customer told me they dont know how i survive work with this music and it's my playlist pic.twitter.com/mbjJZXL5Vg
— jasmin🫀 (@jasbarre) April 10, 2026
I just explained to my 4-year-old that we are going to his Great Grandmothers funeral tomorrow and she must sit very quietly while people talk and tell stories about her.
— ꧁✿Nessa✿꧂ (@Softnessa_) April 10, 2026
She said “Good. We can find out who murdered her.”
oh GREAT my beloved child has discovered the game of floating in the pool pretending to be dead
— communist captain obvious 🍉 (@pippercorn) April 12, 2026
Paul Rudd seems like the kinda guy who would sit down to watch a movie and be like “oh yeah I forgot I was in this one too”
— joji (@jojipaints) April 12, 2026
In Game of Thrones Season 8, Daenerys' last words are "we break the wheel together" which spelled backwards says "rehtegot leehw eht kaerb ew" which doesn't make sense just like the rest of season 8. pic.twitter.com/aRy1LUh2aZ
— ☥𝑩𝑳𝑽𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑶𝑳𝑫† (@0laribiwa) April 9, 2026
Went to lie down for 20 minutes, woke up 3 HOURS LATER. Said “why didn’t you wake me?!” He said he sent 3yo in with a xylophone and I slept through it so I must have needed it
— Lady Nimby (@LadyNimby) April 11, 2026
i accidentally stepped on my cat’s paw while he was intentionally putting himself in my path…i feel like a war criminal
— sarah (@slothanova) April 11, 2026
why are threesomes only for sex why cant i join in a couples argument if i want to
— caleb 🏹 (@saintplush) April 10, 2026
My coworker said I dress like I caught a lizard and I'm waiting for a chance to show it to everyone pic.twitter.com/XU8zNnTm44
— Jon Bird (@2002tacomasr5) April 9, 2026
