Realised I left my security pass in my desktop when I got home which is a big no no. Went back to get it and bumped into my boss in the corridor and they said “you don’t have to stay so late Gary. You can come in later on Monday.” pic.twitter.com/NlIKHXuEvI
— 🏴Gary G. Oblin🇮🇪 (@MoroseHillGiant) September 25, 2026
Can we make a reality show where boomers have to apply for jobs in 2026 using their own advice and see how quickly they have a mental breakdown?
— 𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧★ (@olivvrszn) September 21, 2026
my mother doesnt understand that the reason so many trans people kill themselves after transitioning isn't because they hate their new bodies but because everyone hates them
— Bujo (@cestlavieeeee_7) September 27, 2026
Somebody I went to high school with messaged me out of nowhere to thank me for the relationship advice I used to give him and he wanted to invite me to his wedding because his fiancee is the same girl I gave him the advice for pic.twitter.com/YWnNX9M2Lf
— Will (@WillxValentine) September 25, 2026
Overheard my daughter’s bff who stayed over complaining about a skin irritation
— Wiz Antifa (@EliSeeney) September 26, 2026
on her face that’d been itching and burning, and my daughter said “tell my dad, he always knows what to do…” pic.twitter.com/RlTXkeILuv
Can we actually get AI to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots have to become screenwriters?
— 𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧★ (@olivvrszn) September 28, 2026
Someone asked if I was ready for the fall and it took me a second to realize they meant autumn and not the total collapse of society.
— Nux (@mherlihy0816) September 22, 2026
crazy story today my parents randomly ran into the person who let my dad borrow a pen to write my moms number when they first met in 1991
— j for jalese alv (@gatosburritos) September 28, 2026
cus yea who gone steal my luggage ???? pic.twitter.com/dOIxe1sMKG
— sexaholics anonymous (@dfordai) September 21, 2026
willy wonka sounds like a british slang for a person that masturbates
— newbodyYeelar (@_yeelar) September 25, 2026
