"- Vous avez de l’Hypertension
— Mister Anderson (@Doc_Rogno) April 12, 2026
– Non
– Je vois 2 anti-hypertenseurs sur votre ordonnance…
– Oui, du coup ma tension est normale." https://t.co/yX8nb0l651
Moi : "Vous êtes bien a jeun depuis minuit ?"
— Infirmier hate account (@SupaireNoodle) April 12, 2026
Patient : "Oui oui"
Moi " Parfait. Vous avez pris vos médicaments ?
Patient : Oui !
Moi : Vers quelle heure ?
Patient : Eh bah en prenant mon petit déjeuner comme d'habitude donc vers 7h."
Moi : https://t.co/OvsKNb9FQ4
I just explained to my 4-year-old that we are going to his Great Grandmothers funeral tomorrow and she must sit very quietly while people talk and tell stories about her.
— ꧁✿Nessa✿꧂ (@Softnessa_) April 10, 2026
She said “Good. We can find out who murdered her.”
MY FATHER WAS JUST PASSING BY A GRAVEYARD ON HIS DAILY WALK AND WAS BORED SO HE WANTED ME TO KEEP HIM COMPANY… what a legend, i love my dad 2/2
— sayang | katya (@sayangdota) April 12, 2026
MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME TO GUESS HOW MANY TABS HE HAS OPEN AND WHEN I GUESSED WRONG HE SENT ME THIS. 11,713 TABS??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? pic.twitter.com/uml832IZlm
— 🚪 RITA .ᐟ ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ♡ ₊˚⋆ (@ANGELICFANGZ) April 15, 2026
I sent my husband to the store, and he texted that they didn’t have what I sent him there for. I didn’t believe him, so he flipped his phone and had the cashier tell me they didn’t have it. Impressive move.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 10, 2026
why are threesomes only for sex why cant i join in a couples argument if i want to
— caleb 🏹 (@saintplush) April 10, 2026
it’s always “are you autistic” and never “thanks for sharing your cool tornado facts with me even though I didn’t ask”
— maybe: k*rk (@oldscarf1stweek) April 10, 2026
Went to lie down for 20 minutes, woke up 3 HOURS LATER. Said “why didn’t you wake me?!” He said he sent 3yo in with a xylophone and I slept through it so I must have needed it
— Lady Nimby (@LadyNimby) April 11, 2026
a customer told me they dont know how i survive work with this music and it's my playlist pic.twitter.com/mbjJZXL5Vg
— jasmin🫀 (@jasbarre) April 10, 2026
