Just called my husband and he answered “Hi Tash, how are you?!” which is code for “you’re on loud speaker, someone from work is with me so please don’t do your dog, Australian or Irish voice.”
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) August 20, 2026
I accidentally said “Let’s take this outside” instead of “Let’s take this offline” during a Teams meeting today. Now I’m pretty sure I have to fight everyone in the parking lot at 4pm.
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) August 24, 2026
Me and my girlfriend combining our one shared brain cell to figure out what we want to eat today pic.twitter.com/UxIwRe4MgE
— Pokémon Daily Post💤 (@PokeDailyPost) August 22, 2026
having a cat is just like having a very heavy stuffed animal that snuggles you and loves and you're best friends but they also attack you sometimes
— kiesha (@kiesha9i) August 22, 2026
When butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomach?
— jason (@morecjjj) August 23, 2026
my husband and i are trying for number 2 (we're both constipated)
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 23, 2026
a little life tip I just invented is to wash your hands properly in between cooking with chilli and removing contact lenses
— Mike Healy (@mike_hasarms) August 22, 2026
“less salary with good sleep is better than a huge salary with bad sleep”
— Miilato (@miiilato) August 24, 2026
me with less salary and bad sleep: pic.twitter.com/C3ss3wyZ4g
I'm Still thinking about a lady who bought my toaster on FB Marketplace, and showed up with a slice of bread to test it.
— Boo (@333too3) August 25, 2026
sleeping for 12+ hours makes me realise how much i would enjoy being dead
— JΛCΞ (@jaceels2) August 22, 2026
