You can just take a picture of a tortoise and say it’s 192 years old. Nobody checks that shit.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) February 21, 2026
I have lived next to the same guy for 3 years. Thought his name was Steve. I call him Steve. His name is Steve in my phone. l've been to his apartment.
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 21, 2026
We've had dinner.
His name is Brian. His dog is Steve.
I have noticed that winter olympics athletes cry more than summer ones and I think it’s probably because a lot of the time they could have just died doing what they just did
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) February 14, 2026
When I was 8, I walked into my parents doing the dirty and I thought they were wrestling so I jumped in the bed with them and punched my dad in his balls
— Dave (@tufdave) February 20, 2026
man who ghosted me on tinder is my waiter at this restaurant and we're just looking at each other like this pic.twitter.com/eAhMmo7xgA
— sammy (@loserbent) February 20, 2026
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry at each other.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 20, 2026
We've been awake since Monday.
J'ai été malade qu'une seule fois dans ma scolarité et c'est mon père qui a appelé, il savait ni ma classe ni mon niveau à mon retour le maître d'externat était en mode "mais t'étais vraiment malade ? Pcq la personne qui a appelé pour toi ne connaissait pas ton niveau" mdr oui ik https://t.co/FeLVXk0KzC
— 🍉 billy 𓃰 🇵🇸 (@sapphxgemini) February 5, 2026
mon père qui me demandais si les révision du brevet se passaient bien ( j’étais au lycée ) https://t.co/XEzdcny378
— 𑣲cam (@CinnamongirIs_) February 5, 2026
un jour j’étais malade mon daron a appelé mon ancien collège alors que j’étais au lycée, et je me suis fait allumer psk quand la secrétaire lui a dit qu’ils avaient pas d’élève à mon nom il a cru que j’étais déscolarisée ☠️ https://t.co/0voIgOJ58F
— e 🍒 (@_azvlejos) February 5, 2026
quand j’étais en terminal mon père devait venir me chercher, il était aller attendre devant le collège et quand je l’ai appelée pour lui dire que je l’attendais il m’a dit tu mens y’a personne qui attend ( logique j’attendais 3 km plus loin ) https://t.co/PwwchQJs6e
— madara (@uchiwa_s698) February 4, 2026
