I have lived next to the same guy for 3 years. Thought his name was Steve. I call him Steve. His name is Steve in my phone. l've been to his apartment.
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 21, 2026
We've had dinner.
His name is Brian. His dog is Steve.
I have noticed that winter olympics athletes cry more than summer ones and I think it’s probably because a lot of the time they could have just died doing what they just did
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) February 14, 2026
My grandma recently installed WhatsApp and thought that groups were meant for sorting contacts.
— Raksha (@caraksha103) February 18, 2026
Long story short: She created a group called 'Unimportant' with about 15 relatives and acquaintances.
me during 85% of the winter olympic sports:
— Le'Veon Bell (@LeVeonBell) February 21, 2026
“how do you even figure out you’re good at that?”
OMG yesterday when I was getting my wisdom teeth removed, I started to feel the effects of the anesthesia and I said “does anyone need anything while I’m out?” before falling asleep and NOT A SINGLE DOCTOR LAUGHED OR ACKNOWLEDGED MY JOKE I’m unappreciated in my time smh /lh
— Kusi🪿🏴☠️#1 Oliver Teach Fan (@KusiGoose) February 14, 2026
2yo asked what "embarrassed" meant, i told him something like "when you do something silly and you dont want anyone to look at you"
— lia (@tallsnail) February 21, 2026
now he keeps randomly coming up to me and getting right in my face 👁️👁️ with a sneaky little smile, "mommy are you embarrassed???"
abbreviation is such a long word for what it means
— Khera (@Kheramahira21) February 14, 2026
A Placebo cover band also called Placebo
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) February 20, 2026
Marriage is arriving at the theater ready for date night and realizing your husband, who insisted on taking care of the tickets, bought them for yesterday.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 20, 2026
Hygienist: *stabs the shit out of your mouth with pointy metal*
— Matty (@bestestname) February 20, 2026
Also Hygienist: Looks like you've got a little bleeding here
