6-year-old: Why are boys?

Me: Why are boys what?

6: Just why are they?

Me: No one knows.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2018

Wife: *putting on makeup*

4-year-old: Is that your Halloween costume?

Wife: What?

4: You look like an angel.

I need to take notes.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 13, 2018

6-year-old: Why does Monday have to come after Sunday?

Me: When should it come?

6: Never.

Amen.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 13, 2018

6-year-old: Mashed potatoes make me sad.

Me: Why?

6: They should have been French fries.

Now I'm sad, too.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2018

Me: The house is a disaster. We all need to clean.

8-year-old: Who's coming over?

Me: No one. We're cleaning for us.

8: But we already know we live like this.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2018

Me: It's Monday.

4-year-old: No thanks.

I didn't know it was optional.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2018

I thought the best words my children could say to me were, "I love you."

Then my 2-year-old said, "I am Groot."

Now she doesn't have a bedtime.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2018

7-year-old: *puts a lightsaber, a princess crown, and goldfish crackers in a duffel bag*

Me: Where are you going?

7: To war.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2018

Je veut le même meilleur ami pic.twitter.com/V4ZNFKpuBL

— 𝒴𝒶𝓈𝓈’🐍 𝒟&𝒫 (@Yassshb) July 23, 2020

Quand mon meilleur ami viens pas en cours et me laisse seul https://t.co/mk0Pdoy4mU

— ROSARIO🎖 (@Shelovesrosa) June 16, 2020