Every cat is a little celebrity to me
— 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖞❤️🔥 (@Charlygotyou) March 28, 2026
Weirded out by homes with no pets. Like where is your creature
— Soleil (@soleiljolina) March 28, 2026
my dog is crying bc i put his bone in my tote bag and its like…………..the bone is going in the tote bag because we're going to the DOG BEACH you IDIOT. you don't know ANYTHING. you're about to have the BEST DAY
— buy MORE, PLEASE (out now) (@EmmaSpecter) March 29, 2026
Whats her problem dude pic.twitter.com/abyLNGNNcj
— ezra (´,,•ω•,,)♡ ACAB🔻 (@swagoloog) March 29, 2026
one of the cutest and saddest things that happened towards the end of my grandfather's life is his dementia got so bad that he kept getting mad at my grandmother for being around because "his wife wouldn't appreciate him being alone with another woman."
— emily may (@emilykmay) March 27, 2026
When someone says, “It was 20 years ago.” I think, “Ah yes, the 90s!” But then they tell me it was 2006 and I have to sit down for a bit.
— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) March 28, 2026
Saw a thing where people where sharing embarrassing work stories and a girl said when she got her first waitress job, someone ordered champagne and she thought it was standard to shake and spray the bottle at everyone like an F1 driver as that's the only reference she had.
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) March 28, 2026
man in front of me in line buying exclusively heavy duty cleaning supplies and giant trash bags I make joke “haha a little weekend murder cleanup?” he is unamused, pissed even “NO. that’s NOT what this is for.” anyway if I end up dead in a giant trash bag tonight this was why
— dana donnelly (@danadonnelly) March 28, 2026
i had an ex boyfriend threaten to publish my nudes when we broke up, so i published them myself with his threatening messages and tagged all his friends, relatives and potential new girlfriends. i think the boy still has whiplash from that plot twist.
— Jett 🜲 (@iky_fwjett) March 28, 2026
The best thing i heard today was a pregnant women arguing with her husband and she said, "I have two Brains and you have one".
— 𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 (@AbakpaJob) March 29, 2026
