Having to poop right after showering is disappointing in and of itself but the betrayal by your body knowing the whole time and saying nothing is what really hurts.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) April 25, 2026
Sorry I’m late I had to give my cat a million forehead kisses
— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) April 23, 2026
My coworker and I were talking about capitalism, and he said, “The Earth is a resort for like 500 rich people, and the rest of us are just the staff.” Now I can’t unsee it.
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) April 24, 2026
starting to run in your 30’s is a great way to meet new people. today i met two paramedics, one nurse and almost God.
— katyakay (@katyakayy) April 24, 2026
Just unzipped this ngga pants & the condom was already on ??????
— yasmine (@imfynerthanfyne) April 23, 2026
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.
— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) April 25, 2026
"YoU aReN't AlWaYs GoNnA hAvE a CaLcUlAtOr In YoUr PoCkEt"
— Jum (@JesterJum) April 27, 2026
-Lying ass 90s teachers
my husband better cry at our wedding or his side of the family is not eating
— miia (@miiagarro) April 24, 2026
If you think you’ve had a bad day, my 9 year old came home from school with a trumpet.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 23, 2026
there is a kid at a neighbouring school called sid seven. wish him the best, last year mustve been hell
— Chocsise (@chocsise) April 24, 2026
