Having to poop right after showering is disappointing in and of itself but the betrayal by your body knowing the whole time and saying nothing is what really hurts.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) April 25, 2026
My 77-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) April 25, 2026
After some awkward questions, I said, "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."
there is a kid at a neighbouring school called sid seven. wish him the best, last year mustve been hell
— Chocsise (@chocsise) April 24, 2026
searching frantically for my phone in the dark at 4:30am. calling it didn't yield any noise. eventually I realized I must leave for my flight without it, and picked up my cat to say goodbye. the phone was under the cat and he's fat enough to muffle the sound
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) April 24, 2026
explosion at the health potion factory, 0 dead, 0 injured
— rune sword (@runesword1) April 24, 2026
It’s interesting growing up and realizing that most adults are not very bright. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t know that the situation was this serious.
— ✞ (@justin5star) April 24, 2026
I do not have a cat. I’ve never had a cat, and yet this cat came by randomly (no idea where from) and came into my house. Do I now have a cat? Is that how it works? pic.twitter.com/nTT6wSgNMQ
— Sara Mary ⭐❤️ (@saniyafatma1278) April 25, 2026
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.
— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) April 25, 2026
Just unzipped this ngga pants & the condom was already on ??????
— yasmine (@imfynerthanfyne) April 23, 2026
Smelling weed outside is like hearing your name… I gotta locate the source 😭
— 𝐈𝐯𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧✰ (@stit57881) April 24, 2026
