This morning my daughter said her ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so she walks out the front door, comes back in and says both.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) January 28, 2026
Moments like this has me wondering if I’m saving too much for college.
Just fell on one of the kids’ legos. With my knee. I won’t ever recover. I’m just going to lie here on the ground as my one-year-old jumps on my head repeatedly. This is how it ends.
— Rachel Joy Welcher (@racheljwelcher) January 23, 2026
My grandma tries to avoid her neighbor who has a crush on her. This is the exchange they just had:
— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) January 24, 2026
Him: have you eaten dinner yet
Her: I don't eat.
My siblings had a fight once and it went like this
— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) January 26, 2026
Lucas: “Anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid!”
Sam: “Lucas.”
To this day I still laugh out loud in inappropriate settings because I randomly think of it.
my dad once said "do what you hate first thing in the morning to get it out of the way" then 3 months later he called me to say happy birthday at 6am
— 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 (@Arealmfngl) January 24, 2026
My grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say “at this age i can't handle the responsibility of being a spiderman”. Lmfao
— staxxx🦅 (@papiwontmiss) January 24, 2026
theres no bigger test of patience than typing your fucking email address in on a tv with the remote
— 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖑 𝖙𝖍𝖚𝖖 (@4orreall) January 23, 2026
Sorry I can’t come my clothes look stupid on me
— Hustlanani (@hustlanani) January 23, 2026
You should be allowed to smoke in the cinema if the movie is set in the 1970s
— ᴅᴏᴏᴍᴇɴɪᴄ (@dinosaur_info) January 24, 2026
I was watching Se7en on a date because this guy had never seen it. And then he predicted the whole plot.
— Anisha😼 (@sushi33trash) January 24, 2026
