Today at work this girl came up to order and she was like “make me your favorite drink on the menu, don’t even tell me what it is just give it to me” 😭 very interesting request and when I tried to ask even size or milk type she just held up her finger to shush me skdjfjn
— anjiii:-P 💋🎀 (@sehnisweet) February 13, 2026
I'll never understand why I'm physically unable to keep my eyes open on the couch at 9:30 PM, but the second I move to the bed, my eyes pop open like a haunted doll.
— Nicki 🫧🪷 (@nickimoraa) February 13, 2026
I once heard my boss man say to another employee “You know John, you’re not the sharpest pencil in the box” and without skipping a beat the guy replied “Welp boss man, a sharp pencil is a sign it ain’t never done a lick of work”. I think about that to this day.
— Nicki 🫧🪷 (@nickimoraa) February 12, 2026
told my therapist a joke. she sighed & started taking notes…she tryna steal my joke
— dior ✞ (@deeore5) February 13, 2026
boyfriend just repeated several times in his sleep really fast “he is a tall elf, he has elven influence. talk to him.” followed by a slew of fast nonsense syllables that somehow sounded cohesive like a real language. happy valentines day
— hil (@plume__) February 14, 2026
the boyfriend has shaved his entire beard and moustache right before valentine’s day and now this man who is in his 30s looks like a 20 year old, lord save me
— spicy alien (@cinematicnoodle) February 13, 2026
the tapas restaurant was giving out a rose to each couple but offered us (lesbians) both a rose, which begs the question – if straight couples get one rose (for one woman) and lesbians get two roses (for two women), how many roses does a gay male couple get? pic.twitter.com/bbluq6C7Ri
— sissy sub richard nixon (@nixmao) February 14, 2026
fiance blew me a kiss across the gym, random buff 50 year old man thought it was directed toward him. he solemnly blew him a kiss back.
— emily may (@emilykmay) February 13, 2026
Today, I saw 2 teenagers kissing in the park
— 𝐊𝐨𝐡𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭!𝟎𝐧_👑🚩 (@bholination) February 14, 2026
It reminded me of my teenage days, when I used to see other teenagers kissing in the park
My coworker is divorcing her husband of TWENTY TWO YEARS after finding out he cheated on her for almost three months and everyone keeps asking her if she’s going to throw away their life together bc of three months and she always replies with “I didn’t throw away the life, he…
— Maryam (@hell_line0) February 12, 2026
