Accidentally falling asleep is the best sleep you can ever get.
— Nithya Shri (@Nithya_Shrii) May 7, 2026
uber driver asked me if i wanted to hold his son for a bit and i was like ??? well yeah sure i guess then he handed me a kitten he found literally right before he picked me up😭😭😭 he said he feels maternal love for it and yk what i respect that
— min🪭🌸 (@saccharinish) May 9, 2026
having a cat is so nice because she never makes me feel bad for sitting around all day doing nothing. she actually screams at me when i’m up doing stuff because all she wants to do is sit on me
— zoë (@zoeloveshouses) May 9, 2026
they knew they had to kill him at that point https://t.co/tjasL1OQhA
— 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚 (@youfwprince) May 7, 2026
I just sent a text intended for my therapist to my hookup
— (Kat) (@ollkorrect0) May 8, 2026
I'm in the break room helping a coworker look for his hot pocket that I ate this morning
— Jack (@FuneralDrinker) May 8, 2026
I know his cousins probably fucking hate him https://t.co/3D6zLa9hIr
— Jasmine('s boobs hurt) (@Ranting_Trans) May 10, 2026
Opening a German bakery called Gluten Tag.
— Ramin Nasibov (@RaminNasibov) May 11, 2026
Website: That was the wrong password.
— 𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 (@OrevaZSN) May 7, 2026
Chrome: I will save it for you.
typing in lowercase bc i hate capitalism
— ra is inactive (@xenvuen) May 12, 2026
