*At a family dinner*

Grandma: Tattoos are only for criminal !!

Me: Diapers are only for babies.

Grandma pic.twitter.com/ULKZt2YUOP

— Ayômîde 🧢 (@Haryormdey4u) May 8, 2026

Being a parent is wild because you could be in the middle of a mental breakdown and still have to pretend to be dinosaur

— 𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ (@muheediva01) May 8, 2026

I used to think I’d be the cool aunt but I’m just the weird cat one

— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) May 8, 2026

Separating the art from the artist and telling my 5yo daughter her watercolor painting sucks

— eve (@bubblegumbword) May 7, 2026

“Why was she out alone at night?”
Why do men think the night belongs to them and women are prey? Let’s start there.

— jezz (@JezziiB) May 7, 2026

got an unsolicited dick pick, sent him a dick pick of my own (one i'd pre-saved from the internet for an occasion such as this) with this message "ohhh, can't wait to rub these together" and he never texted me again 🤣🤣🤣

— Thoughts by Ah'gieë (@AgathaAkaahar) May 8, 2026

nothing humbles you faster than hearing your own voice in a video

— โซเฟีย ׅ ❦ (@xrzrzrrc) May 7, 2026

The worst part of applying for jobs is having to write cover letters explaining my deep passion for a company I had no idea existed until I saw the job listing 2 hours ago😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

— Rene🧚🫧 (@sheisafairyyy) May 7, 2026

Good morning I went to the doctor to find out why I'm constantly exhausted and she told me my vitamin D levels are critically low and I asked her how low and she said the average range is like 75 – 250 and I have 6 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡😭😭😭😭

— seol 🌾 (@teacuppity) May 8, 2026

There's a weird taboo against lying on the floor, one of life's most pleasurable activities

— 𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 (@AbakpaJob) May 7, 2026