Hygienist: *stabs the shit out of your mouth with pointy metal*
— Matty (@bestestname) February 20, 2026
Also Hygienist: Looks like you've got a little bleeding here
You can just take a picture of a tortoise and say it’s 192 years old. Nobody checks that shit.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) February 21, 2026
OMG yesterday when I was getting my wisdom teeth removed, I started to feel the effects of the anesthesia and I said “does anyone need anything while I’m out?” before falling asleep and NOT A SINGLE DOCTOR LAUGHED OR ACKNOWLEDGED MY JOKE I’m unappreciated in my time smh /lh
— Kusi🪿🏴☠️#1 Oliver Teach Fan (@KusiGoose) February 14, 2026
does anyone else’s cat wake them up for food by literally slapping you in the face with their paw?? I’m so sick of this bitch
— faye (@fayemikah) February 20, 2026
I have lived next to the same guy for 3 years. Thought his name was Steve. I call him Steve. His name is Steve in my phone. l've been to his apartment.
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 21, 2026
We've had dinner.
His name is Brian. His dog is Steve.
My grandma recently installed WhatsApp and thought that groups were meant for sorting contacts.
— Raksha (@caraksha103) February 18, 2026
Long story short: She created a group called 'Unimportant' with about 15 relatives and acquaintances.
un jour j’étais malade mon daron a appelé mon ancien collège alors que j’étais au lycée, et je me suis fait allumer psk quand la secrétaire lui a dit qu’ils avaient pas d’élève à mon nom il a cru que j’étais déscolarisée ☠️ https://t.co/0voIgOJ58F
— e 🍒 (@_azvlejos) February 5, 2026
quand j’étais en terminal mon père devait venir me chercher, il était aller attendre devant le collège et quand je l’ai appelée pour lui dire que je l’attendais il m’a dit tu mens y’a personne qui attend ( logique j’attendais 3 km plus loin ) https://t.co/PwwchQJs6e
— madara (@uchiwa_s698) February 4, 2026
mon père qui me demandais si les révision du brevet se passaient bien ( j’étais au lycée ) https://t.co/XEzdcny378
— 𑣲cam (@CinnamongirIs_) February 5, 2026
J'ai été malade qu'une seule fois dans ma scolarité et c'est mon père qui a appelé, il savait ni ma classe ni mon niveau à mon retour le maître d'externat était en mode "mais t'étais vraiment malade ? Pcq la personne qui a appelé pour toi ne connaissait pas ton niveau" mdr oui ik https://t.co/FeLVXk0KzC
— 🍉 billy 𓃰 🇵🇸 (@sapphxgemini) February 5, 2026
