when i worked at dominos the guy who trained me was soo fucking weird and unsettling and i kept telling everyone that i think he’s a freak pervert but no one cared and then one morning my manager says “soo he’s not coming in today because he was just arrested for child porn”
— felicity shagwell ੯‧̀͡⬮ ᡣ𐭩 (@liIpochaco) February 13, 2026
Marriage is arriving at the theater ready for date night and realizing your husband, who insisted on taking care of the tickets, bought them for yesterday.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 20, 2026
man who ghosted me on tinder is my waiter at this restaurant and we're just looking at each other like this pic.twitter.com/eAhMmo7xgA
— sammy (@loserbent) February 20, 2026
went on a date to the cinema and the cinema was empty cause it was late. he gets out his phone, opens snapchat and starts recording, saying “yeah we rented out the whole cinema, you know what it issss” 😐 https://t.co/r5VqHCApaH
— IVY (@Iamivy05) February 22, 2026
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry at each other.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 20, 2026
We've been awake since Monday.
the little boy i babysit just told me it should be easy for me to get a boyfriend because i can throw a fruit snack in the air and catch it in my mouth…..i wish it was that easy austin, i really do lol.
— 5.🪐 (@luvhuss) February 20, 2026
2yo asked what "embarrassed" meant, i told him something like "when you do something silly and you dont want anyone to look at you"
— lia (@tallsnail) February 21, 2026
now he keeps randomly coming up to me and getting right in my face 👁️👁️ with a sneaky little smile, "mommy are you embarrassed???"
When I was 8, I walked into my parents doing the dirty and I thought they were wrestling so I jumped in the bed with them and punched my dad in his balls
— Dave (@tufdave) February 20, 2026
A Placebo cover band also called Placebo
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) February 20, 2026
abbreviation is such a long word for what it means
— Khera (@Kheramahira21) February 14, 2026
