When you’re 10 pints deep trying to read the menu in the kebab shop. pic.twitter.com/OxzGmFqXoC
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) February 7, 2025
My daughter’s boyfriend was complaining about how difficult it is to be a guy. My daughter reached into her purse, pulled out a pad, and said “here, cry into this.”
— BOOP (@Pettyyyboop) February 10, 2025
I’m eating for two (tapeworm)
— 𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 (@MoMohler) February 8, 2025
Imagine hating me and I’m over here making empanadasauruses pic.twitter.com/lUOVUD2xza
— Ƒʉͫcͧкͭιͪηͣ 𝔟к (@__bee_kay__) February 11, 2025
*reading a completely idiotic tweet* oh good, it's not just me
— Betty Botticelli (@Faungirl123) February 8, 2025
I asked a guy “what book r you reading” and he said “you probably don’t know about it” I get PISSED and tell him “what is it” and the mf looks at me and said “it’s by a guy named George Orwell, it’s called 1984” wow okay excuse me? mister underground alert
— marina (@sosteprightoutt) February 10, 2025
If overthinking burned calories I’d never need to exercise again.
— Kristen (@Kica333) February 8, 2025
Trying to trick my Romanian coworker to say things a vampire would say
— microplastics envelope filter (@DiabolicalSpuds) February 7, 2025
she won so bad i'm crying😭 https://t.co/AYmQQapxUf
— 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚 (@beyoncegarden) February 11, 2025
If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States
— Mohamad Safa (@mhdksafa) January 30, 2025
