The 'i' in the Pixar logo undergoing extensive physical therapy after all the years of the lamp jumping on him.

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) March 3, 2022

Remembering this famous scene from Alien pic.twitter.com/uCvp0hdbqM

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) February 11, 2022

Hi boss, sorry I didn't finish that project, I realized the planet won't exist in 10 years so I gave up

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) February 15, 2022

ME: Can you call me when you get home later so I know you're okay

TAXI DRIVER: Again, no

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) January 16, 2022

Covid 2020 advice: Stay away from everyone, be safe, go home

Covid 2022 advice: idk man don't die I guess

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) January 6, 2022

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth

Me: No

Judge: No?

Me: No

Judge: *whispers to jury* what do we do

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) December 18, 2021

Oh, your shower doesn't turn icy cold when you flush your toilet? Tell me more about being in the royal family

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) December 4, 2021

Will Smith's brother Aero is a pretty good musician

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) November 27, 2021

I want all recreational drugs to be legal, but mostly to see what the ads would be like for them.

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) November 10, 2021

Mario finding Toad dead in his apartment and trying his best not to use his corpse to make a delicious mushroom risotto

— Michael sucks (@Home_Halfway) November 5, 2021