me: *does a silent fart*
librarian: *nod of approval*
— john (@mrjohndarby) April 7, 2020
[cat office]
cat boss: come into my officecat: ok
cat boss: close the door
cat: ok
cat boss: wait, open it
— john (@mrjohndarby) March 8, 2020
doctor: I'm afraid your husband died
wife: but he's walking around
doctor: that's why I'm afraid
— john (@mrjohndarby) February 15, 2020
Me: *finally finishing my book and wiping a tear from my eye*
Waiter: well?
Me: *closing the menu* the burger
— john (@mrjohndarby) October 26, 2019
me: would it be ok if I complimented the chef personally?
waiter: ok course
[in the kitchen]
me: your eyes are fuckin gorgeouschef: cheers
— john (@mrjohndarby) October 19, 2019
cop: you have one phone call
me: ok
[later]
cop: the pizza's here— john (@mrjohndarby) August 21, 2019
Me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
Her: ok
Waiter: good evening
Me: good evening Barry
— john (@mrjohndarby) August 2, 2019
me: it's a bit early for shots, but ok
dentist: it's mouthwash
— john (@mrjohndarby) June 29, 2019
me: nobody listens to me
therapist: *nodding so hard his airpods fall out*
— john (@mrjohndarby) June 11, 2019
me: do u have anything.. stronger?
lemonade stand child: no
— john (@mrjohndarby) April 20, 2019